Hello ssstupid Nequamsss. I’m Hortwangler, and I’m a Fangtooth from Furtayman. When I wasss firssst approached about writing a blog about myssself, I sssaid, “Go find sssomeone else, becaussse Hortwangler don’t write, and he certainly don’t do it jussst for fun.” But then the invitation came with a lil coin, and that’sss enough to sssway me. You sssee, money controlsss all thingsss and makesss our lil worldsss go round. I’ll do anything for a little money, and I do mean anything.
To be truthful, I really jussst wanted the conssstant begging and pleading to ssstop. Every day and night came another requessst. I’m too old for it. But then came the quessstion of time. When could I, sssuch a busssy man, find the time to write? Well ssso luck would have it, I’ve recently quit my day job at Grummel’sss Potion Shoppe. Now I’ve got a lil extra time on my handsss. I met sssomeone who promisssed to take care of me if I did a few odd jobsss for him. They were easssy tasssksss, and the reward wasss nice. I probably shouldn’t be sssayin’ nothin’ about it, but oh well. At leassst now I can sssay good riddance to Chessster Grummel. I’ve never met a dumber man. I mean I ssspent yearsss stealing from him…right from under hisss nose and he never noticed. I really dessspise that man. I hope sssomething bad happensss to him one day.
If I can give you one piece of advice, it would be to alwayssse look out for number one…you! No one caresss about you. No one really lovesss you. They’re all empty emotionsss that fade in time. But you know who’ll be there through everything? The good timesss and the bad? Who’ll alwayssse be there through thick and thin? You! Ssso do yourssself a favor and leave everyone behind. Go it alone and only call on people when you need to exploit them for your own gain. Trussst me, if you don’t do it firssst, they will.
You might be thinking, “Oh Hortwangler, you’re ssso harsh!” Well life isss harsh. I only allow two thingsss to control my life; me and money. Nothing and definitely no one elssse.
That’sss all I got to sssay. Happy hunting…you sssilly foolsss!